Terrie Williams, publicist and best-selling author, is making depression within the African American community her new charge. The task of offering hope for healing to countless Black folk who silence their emotional pain became her mission after she bravely authored a personal essay on her own struggles with chronic depression for Essence magazine. The overwhelming response to “Depression and the Superwoman,” the most-responded to Essence article of that year, according to Terrie, compelled her to reach more folk. She has spoken to groups of mental health care professionals and average people in our local communities. Terrie has also authored Black Pain: It Just Looks Like We’re Not Hurting.
Watch the two-minute videoerrie discussing the normalization of emotional pain in our communities. Certainly the history of African Americans leads to an internalization of real pain that has been passed down through the generations. The book is Williams’ attempt to “start the conversation” and move us all to a place of emotional healing. Black Pain is available in bookstores January 8th.
Here’s the exclusive interview with my friend Terrie Williams, author of Black Pain, who has launched what many are calling the new Civil Rights Movement of the 21st century:
Eisa: Black Pain actually started as an Essence magazine article. Talk about the writing process. How did you achieve that level of intimacy in your writing to communicate with Essence readers? What did it take for you to go to such a deep and maybe even frightening place and pour all that emotion out onto the page?
Terrie: Writing about my pain in the Essence piece, though absolutely necessary, was not an easy thing for me to do; in truth, it was a real struggle to be so open about something so personal. But I knew that if I was suffering there had to be countless others who were also having a difficult time, just floundering day after day, only they don?t know that their problem has a name or what to do about it. That?s when my mission to bring this issue into the spotlight and encourage others onto a path of healing became clear to me. The actual writing was a blessing, a therapeutic outlet that allowed me to speak about something that so many are afraid to voice. I realized that telling the truth about our pain is the only way that we can understand that we are not standing on the ledge alone, and that there is help.
Eisa: Your Essence essay was bold and honest. Not many professionals, especially in an industry like yours where image is everything, would share their private pain with the public. Why did you think it was important to share your story with the world? What compelled you to share your experience with depression with others?
Terrie: Honestly, Eisa, at a certain point, I had no choice. I clearly heard God?s voice one day, whisper to my soul, ?You have to tell your story.? I was called to do this.
The fact is, depression can happen to anyone. It doesn?t care that you are a high-powered business executive, a high school student, a well-known celebrity, or whatever. As a successful entrepreneur and author at the helm of my public relations firm The Terrie Williams Agency, I had mastered life behind the mask. I was able to pretend that everything was under control when I was actually falling apart inside. Needlessly, I suffered in silence because I was too ashamed to admit my pain or seek help for it.
After the Essence article, thousands of people reached out to me, expressing that they could not imagine that someone like me, with my success and fame, would be equal to them in their suffering. I wanted to completely and utterly dispel the notion that pain has boundaries, only affecting certain types of people. I didn?t want people to feel alone in their suffering and to know that whatever it was they were dealing with mentally and emotionally is treatable.
I know that suffering also makes us more compassionate, and that the reason we go through it is so that we can come out of it with a testimony that offers hope and inspiration to others. I have not seen anything written in accessible, plain English that describes what depression looks like, sounds like, and feels like. I wrote the article and subsequently Black Pain so that all kinds of people?from the gang banger to the professional?can finally understand their problem and get help.
Eisa: Now that you’ve described your writing process, describe the process of publishing your book. How did you take a first-person essay to book form? Were mainstream publishers reluctant to publish a book that focuses on African Americans and depression?
Terrie: Black Pain was born out of my desire to respond to over 10,000 people who reached out to me in response to my Essence magazine article. I was stunned by the outpouring of so many people, from all walks of life, who connected with my story and related to the pain I expressed. They shared with me, most speaking about it for the first time, stories of their personal experience, or that of a loved one, with depression. Afraid, they didn?t know who else to talk to or what to do. Black Pain builds upon and extends the dialogue begun with the Essence piece with the hope of breaking the cycle of silence that surrounds mental illness and is killing our community.
By breaking the silence, I knew I could help not just myself, but others. There was no book addressing depression among African Americans the way I wanted to see, and the responses I got to my talks all over the country proved to me that there was a need for it.
I was looking for something that would show the universal condition of depression. I
used real people’s stories to show its many faces and wanted it to be
clear that the pain doesn’t discriminate (not just my own
journey). I used examples from noted personalities, professionals and made a
point to humanize people who commit violent crimes by pointing out the
suffering.
Secondly, and most importantly, I hadn?t seen depression named as an epidemic in
the Black community, and positioned in a social and cultural
context. The Black community is one in crisis and at almost every turn you
can see, feel and hear the pain. My chapter on Black men, for instance,
talks about how violence and addiction are not separate issues from
depression, but ways that depression is lived by African-American males.
I tried to show how to see behind the masks of indifference or overconfidence, to the core of emotional pain that necessitates those
two destructive cover-ups.
Six or seven publishers were interested, but something was very different from the submission process I?d been through with my previous books. All commented that it was one of the best proposals they?d read, and rarely had they experienced the number of editorial and other staff interested in meeting an author whom they hadn?t yet signed. They felt excited that I was going to break the silence on this taboo topic in the Black community in such an accessible way. I was stunned. I was grateful. I ultimately went with Scribner, who showed that they felt this was as timely, as necessary, and as politically important as I did. And their list was proof that they had already committed to books on this topic.
Eisa: You have a long list of celebrities who write about their own personal experience with depression in your book. How did you get famous people like Puffy to write about this sensitive topic? Who are some of the other contributors to Black Pain? Was it hard to get them to write honestly about their private pain?
Terrie: Depression does not skip past you because you have fans. Having worked with numerous celebrities? Eddie Murphy, Janet Jackson, Russell Simmons, Ludacris, Boys II Men, MC Hammer, Anita Baker?the list is endless– over nearly 30 years one thing I know for sure is that, although they might be rich and famous, all of them are dealing with the same pain we all face. We are human. So when I decided to write Black Pain, I knew that the voices of celebrities such as Mike Tyson, DMX, John Amos, Matthew Knowles, Lauryn Hill, Snoop Dogg, Blair Underwood, Jay-Z , Set Shakur, Biggie Smalls, Mama Debarge, 50-Cent, Jennifer Holliday, along with noted authors Bernice McFadden and Victoria Murray Christopher, and everyday people had to be heard. I talked with folks, read countless articles, life stories, and experiences from them to see how they described their pain, how they worked it out. And I shared that.
Celebrities have the unique ability to influence what is seen as cool or accepted in society. So when I communicated to my celebrity friends that this was an opportunity to finally bring the issue of mental and emotional health into the spotlight, to begin lifting the stigma associated with it, and to encourage thousands to get help, they understood the importance of the mission and jumped on board to help. Their openness and honesty is helping to save lives and I couldn?t be more thankful.
Still, as important as it is to speak out, I faced huge challenges. Several individuals who shared their most personal trauma with me, were later frightened to commit it to the book. It became a situation where, once they saw their real selves, their raw testimonies in print, they didn?t know how to deal with it and wanted to back out. They couldn?t face the mirror because they couldn?t bear the truth they saw. And I understood and felt their pain. So what I did, with the deepest compassion and sensitivity, was spend countless hours on the phone with those who had cold feet, gently explaining the importance of shifting the focus off of them and onto the healing, encouraging the enormous impact that their story would have on others. Once they really got that this mission is bigger than them, bigger than their individual pain, and an essential part of our collective journey toward healing as a people, then I was able to keep them on board. But it was work, girl! All praises due to GOD.
Eisa: Quite frankly, Black folk generally don’t think about depression in our community. Any kind of mental illness or psychological pain that needs regular treatment is often considered “a white thing.” Despite this stigma, there are so many obvious indications of what you call Black Pain among African Americans. High rates of obesity, homicide, heart disease, suicide, sexual abuse, sexual promiscuity, domestic violence, gambling – are these actually possible signs of depression? What are others that might be specific to Black folk? What’s actually going on in our communities?
Terrie: Historically, the Black community has long sounded the alarm on its own desperation. All around us, everywhere we look, in the daily headlines, and in our very own families we witness the horrible results of our pain. It?s the rage, the hopelessness, the sorrow, all the ?stuff? that sits inside us with no where to go. If there?s no one to talk to about it then we just hold it in and it becomes illness, disease. If we release it, we do so through unhealthy behavior: we hurt ourselves or others through crime and violence; we self-medicate through drug and alcohol abuse, food and sex; we gamble, work 24/7, or shop ourselves into debt. These are the symptoms of our root pain.
The reality of depression can also be seen in our long artistic legacy, from early slave narratives, to novels such as 72 Hour Hold by Bebe Moore Campbell and Beloved by Toni Morrison, to popular films like Menace to Society, Boyz N the Hood, South Central, Colors, Training Day, American Me, and Hustle and Flow, even to the blues itself. I believe that depression has become an epidemic in the Black community, an epidemic that has been growing stronger with every generation.
The clues that we are hurting are all around us. Here are 20 signs to help us notice that we and those around us are in pain:
20 Signs That You Might Be Depressed
1.You are always too busy?never have or take the time to give yourself the care you need.
2.You are running from something; something is eating at you.
3.You keep things that bother you locked up inside, festering. You are afraid to speak about disappointment, hurts, fears; you are afraid to express anger. You hold on to grudges for way too long
4.You can?t ask people for what you need.
5.You lie about everything, even simple things.
6.You can?t wait to get home to eat?something, anything?and lots of it. It?s the only thing that soothes you.
7.You just don?t have energy to do anything?you have to force yourself to do everything.
8.Everything is so hard that you?re sleeping a lot. It?s damn near impossible to get up. You are afraid to get up.
9.You can?t seem to concentrate?on any one thing. You look at the same piece of paper 5 times.
10.You are steadily gaining weight. You know because everyone tells you in their demeanor, words, glances and in advertising campaigns that you are not desirable, and definitely not some man?s idea of eye candy. Oh, you might be very cool to hang out with; they love your energy, your spirit and contacts, but you feel ?less-than? and your self-esteem plummets.
11.You are not doing work that brings you joy; you are just working a gig, and holding out for the check.
12.You haven?t been touched in months or years; you haven?t gotten any (yeah, I said it!) in who-knows how long; hell, you haven?t even had a massage!
13.You have a persistent, gnawing feeling that something is wrong. And you?re right!
14.People are talking?you know this because their lips are moving?but you have no idea what they are saying. You aren?t even there.
15.You used to care a lot about what you wore; now you just wear anything that fits.
16.You stay home a little too often. You call in sick at least once a month.
17.You think this is the end of your rope?there?s no way can you face another day.
18.You wonder if you?re having a nervous breakdown.
19.You cry a lot and without warning.
20.Every morning you wake up with crippling anxiety, terrified to get out of bed and face the world.
Eisa: Identifying depression is one thing; getting treatment is another. How did you get the help you needed? What would be your advice to readers who might have some symptoms of depression but still feel reluctant to seek help?
Terrie: For decades I, a licensed clinical social worker, didn?t always recognize my own symptoms of depression and never gave mental health treatment a thought. I sought therapy during graduate school and upon beginning my career?always had a sense that ?something was wrong.? But after suffering a debilitating emotional collapse that left me unable to get out of bed for days, I was taken to a therapist by loved ones– and my real healing journey began. I learned the name of my condition, identified its symptoms, and recognized my personal triggers. Now, I know how to take better care of myself?which includes being honest with myself, getting proper rest, establishing boundaries for my time and with difficult people?so that I can live a healthier life.
The saying, ?when you know better, you do better? has never been truer. I will never forget what life was like for me all those years before my breakdown, when I didn?t know what was wrong with me and couldn?t talk about it. I either ignored my pain, or I found unhealthy ways to cope with it including over-eating (my drug of choice), over-working, or being over-irritable towards those around me?none of this really worked. Nobody knew what I was going through, but after my collapse I got over my denial, my embarrassment, and got treatment.
I could not have transformed my breakdown into a breakthrough without the help of a caring therapist. Although, I?m sorry to say, far too many don?t have the means, having an outlet like therapy is a necessity?not a luxury, as is having a massage. It helps minimize stress and tension. Without it, many walk around like a pressure cooker, ready to explode, hurt, and kill at the slightest provocation. Too many of us are locked up in hospitals and prisons because we can?t give or receive touch.
I urge anyone who is suffering in unspeakable pain to get beyond their denial, beyond their embarrassment, and give themselves the gift of expressing your thoughts and feelings before experiencing a breakdown as I did. There are many things you can do to get your stuff out of your mind and off your chest. You can try venting your thoughts and feelings out into a tape recorder, in a journal, or to loved ones as a means of release. Not only can talking about your issues save your life, but it can tremendously improve the quality of it as well.
Eisa: Despite the subject of the book, Black Pain is really a book about achieving holistic balance and joy. It’s really about the path to emotional health and a kind of redemption, isn’t it? What is your hope for yourself and the future? What is your hope for the future of our community?
Terrie: It absolutely is about all of those goals, about our growth. There has to be a better way. We have no where to go but up as a community and my deepest hope is that Black Pain will do its part to help us heal our collective hurt so that we can all thrive as the healthy individuals we are called to be. The reaction thus far has taken my breath away.
Comment(s)
I am very grateful for this book and for this interview! I’m sure they will both bring healing for lots of folks who need it.